I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
