please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
