He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
