the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
