Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
