i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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