Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
