im holly from the hills drunk
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
