i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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