I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
