I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
