I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
