Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
