Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i drank out of a bidet.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
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