just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt