By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?