Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over