No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE