i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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