The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
