Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
