hell yes lets make some ravioli
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
