I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I feel like a drive thru vagina
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
