dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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