I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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