While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Randomize
