Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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