My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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