1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
