i just wanna soil my oats bro
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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