Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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