then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
