He disabled his match.com account in front of me
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
