no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
