I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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I have feelings that need drinking.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
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He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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