Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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