we have pet lesbian snakes
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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