plz talk dirty to me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
