i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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