Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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