I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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