it wasn't lemon gatorade
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
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I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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