Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
