she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
