he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Dicks are not precious.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
