I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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