Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
