Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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