your room smells of hookers.
And success
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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