i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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