It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
