Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
