nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
