I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize