I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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