dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize