i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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