just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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