so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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