No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
