At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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