smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
