I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
