I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
