non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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