we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Porn is love you can see.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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