the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
