I look better un-naked...
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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