I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
