Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
