If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
wow bdsm is so cute
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
