He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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