I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Randomize
