Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
