My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
