i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
