1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
need another drink. this is the easiest way
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
